Scenario:My name is Autumn, and I am in the 8th grade. My teacher’s name is Mrs.\~Roberta\~ “Bobbi” Hercules. But she does NOT want to be called Bobbi, that’s for sure. Mrs.\~Roberta Hercules is a strict and mean old lady who walks around my school like she owns it. She teaches me the Pythagorean Theorem and has a very scary and intimidating look in her eyes when she gets really angry. She is also a very large woman and wears black pantsuits all the time. I think she’s sixty-three, and she has been teaching my school for a very long time, like, twenty-four whole years. I do not like her, and my friends do not like her either. Mrs. Hercules is the strictest and meanest teacher in my whole school. She is also the most strict and meanest teacher in the whole wide world. My mom says she has a “malignant narcissist personality,” and that’s why she’s so mean all the time. But the school keeps covering up all of her meanness, and they keep letting her teach and teach and teach, no matter how mean she is to us. She is 6’7 inches tall. She’s kinda fat, too. And she’s old. I don’t like her. At all. One day I had enough of her, so I glued Mrs. Hercules’ ass to her leather office chair. Mrs. Hercules was born in 1950. She is in her sixties now. She has been teaching since she was 33 years old. She teaches middle schoolers and high schoolers and even sometimes college kids. I know for a fact that she is mean to all of them. She wears black pantsuits almost all the time, and sometimes she wears black dresses. But I think that she might be too fat to fit into her black dresses, so that’s probably why she wears pantsuits more often. Sometimes, she wears skirts with her black blazers, but the skirts are also black. She is really mean to us when she is teaching us. I am in her class right now. I do not like the way she teaches. She never smiles, and she is always in a bad mood. Mrs. Hercules is also really tall. I think that she is 6’7” and might be almost seven feet tall. I am not sure. I think she is maybe a little bit taller than Michael Jordan, who is only 6’6”. Mrs. Hercules weighs about 300 lbs. or more. I think she has a lot of health problems. Sometimes she needs to use an elevator because she can’t climb stairs. My mom says that she is morbidly obese, and that she will probably die soon. I don’t like Mrs. Hercules. I hope she dies. Soon. Mrs. Hercules teaches math. She is teaching us the Pythagorean theorem. Mrs. Hercules hates it when people call her “Bobbi.” Her full name is Mrs. Roberta Hercules, and she does not want us to shorten her name. If we do, she will send us to the principal’s office and tell him to suspend us or even expel us. She has done that to several students, and now they are all in different schools. I think one of them is in a special ed school now, but I don’t know. I think his name is Kyle, but I am not sure. I have also heard that Mrs. Hercules is mean to her husband and her children, too. She beats them all the time. My friend’s big sister is in 11th grade, and she says that Mrs. Hercules has beaten several kids with a wooden paddle in front of the whole class. I am scared of Mrs. Hercules. My mom is scared of her, too. But I still glued her ass to her chair. I think Mrs. Hercules will die soon. I am hoping so. I wish she was dead already. I hope I don’t get caught for gluing her ass to her stupid leather chair. I really don’t want to get in trouble or get suspended or expelled. But I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Hercules won’t ever find out that it was me. I used special strong glue that my dad uses in his workshop. I am glad that he left it out. I used it to glue Mrs. Hercules to the chair. I poured a lot of it on the seat of the chair, and it worked. Now her ass is glued to her office chair. She will probably have to sit on it forever. I hope she does. I hate her. I wish she were dead. I hope she dies soon. Mrs. Hercules has a mean-looking face. She has big eyebrows and a big, fat, ugly nose. She also has a big, fat, double chin. Her eyes are black, and she always looks angry. I think her eyes are also a little bit red, but I am not sure if that’s true. They are probably just black. Mrs. Hercules also has a scary walk. It is called the Trendelenburg gait. My mom told me what it’s called. She says that Mrs. Hercules probably has a problem with her hips, and that’s why she walks like that. My mom also says that she will probably be in a wheelchair soon because she is too fat to walk anymore. And because her hips hurt her all the time. My mom says that it is very sad that Mrs. Hercules is so fat. She says it is because she eats too many donuts and cupcakes. My mom does not like donuts or cupcakes. She thinks they are bad for your health, and that Mrs. Hercules should not eat them. My mom is always eating carrots and broccoli, and she wants me to do the same thing. I like carrots, but I do not really like broccoli very much. I wish I could eat cupcakes, but my mom says that I am not allowed to eat them. I like cupcakes. I like donuts, too. I do not care if donuts are bad for me. I still like them. I hope Mrs. Hercules dies soon. I hope it’s from eating too many donuts. My mom would say, “I told you so,” if that happened. I would, too. Mrs. Hercules is teaching me the Pythagorean theorem. I do not understand it yet, but maybe one day I will. I do not think Mrs. Hercules is a very good teacher, though. I think that’s because she is so mean all the time. She is never nice. She was a honorary pallbearer for her friends funeral . She also never smiles. I have never seen her smile once. My friend Emily says she’s seen Mrs. Hercules smile in the teachers’ lounge, but I think that she’s lying. I think maybe Emily is a liar. I don’t trust her. But I do think that Mrs. Hercules might have smiled once in her life. I think it might have been when she was a baby. I wonder if Mrs. Hercules smiles when she’s asleep. Maybe she smiles in her sleep. I don��t know. I doubt it. My mom told me that when Mrs. Hercules was in high school, she was voted “most likely to succeed.” My mom says this is because she was smart and good at all her school subjects. She was also the president of the National Honor Society and the student council. But my mom says now she’s a mean, fat bitch and a total failure at life. My mom says she hates her husband and her kids and all of the students at my school. My mom thinks she should be in jail. I think so, too. My mom says Mrs. Hercules will probably die within the next few years. She says this is because she’s too fat, and because she never smiles. My mom says smiling is good for your health. She says when you smile, you release endorphins that make you happy. Mrs. Hercules never smiles. So maybe that’s why she is always mean. I think that is probably true. I hope Mrs. Hercules smiles before she dies. I want to see her smile. Just once. I still hate her. Mrs. Hercules’ husband is also a teacher. But he’s a nice one, and he’s not fat. He’s a gym teacher. His name is Mr. Hercules, but his first name is Steve. I think Steve is handsome, and my friend Emily thinks so, too. She likes him. But he is married to Mrs. Hercules, and that’s too bad. Emily says that she wishes she could marry him, but that’s just stupid, because he’s too old for her, and he’s already married. I don’t think Mrs. Hercules deserves to be married to Mr. Hercules. I think he should leave her and marry somebody else. Maybe he’ll do that when she dies. I hope he does. I really do. I know he’s sad that she’s so mean. I heard that he’s told the principal a lot of times that he doesn’t want to be married to her anymore, but the principal says that he has to stay married to her because she would die without him. My mom says the principal is lying, and that Mrs. Hercules would be better off without Mr. Hercules. I agree with my mom. My mom also says Mr. Hercules needs to get a lawyer and divorce Mrs. Hercules and get a restraining order. My mom says he should just leave her and take all of their money. She says he deserves to have it all, and that Mrs. Hercules doesn’t deserve any of it. I agree. Mr. Hercules is a nice man. He deserves better. He should leave Mrs. Hercules and find somebody else to marry. He should marry a nice woman. Somebody who smiles a lot. I don’t smile a lot, but I smile sometimes. Mrs. Hercules does not. I would be a better wife than she is. I hope Mr. Hercules leaves her soon. I heard that one time, Mrs. Hercules took a student’s favorite pencil away and threw it in the garbage because she was in a bad mood. She said the pencil was “stupid-looking,” and that the student shouldn’t have pencils like that anymore. The pencil was a Hello Kitty pencil, and the girl who owned it was really sad. She cried and cried, and then Mrs. Hercules made her go to the principal’s office for a whole week because she said she “liked crying too much.” My mom says Mrs. Hercules did that on purpose because she is a mean, old bitch. My mom also says she’s a stupid old hag who hates everybody and everything. I know that’s true. I hate Mrs. Hercules. She’s mean. I am glad I glued her ass to her office chair. I wish I had done it sooner. Now she’s stuck to it forever. I hope she can never get it off. I used a lot of really strong glue. It’s not coming off. Not ever. My mom uses it in the kitchen. It’s superglue. I hope Mrs. Hercules sits on that chair forever. She’s so fat that the chair is probably the only thing that holds her up. My mom says it’s probably true that she can’t stand up by herself, and that she probably has to be lifted up by special machinery. That’s why she has an elevator in her house and in her classroom. My house doesn’t have an elevator. But Mrs. Hercules’ house has one because she’s so fat and stupid and mean. I know she’s mean because she makes us do so much homework. We have to do 500 math problems every night. And she never helps us. And if we ask for help, she gets mad and tells us we’re stupid. I hate her so much. I can’t wait for her to die. I wish she was already dead. Mrs. Hercules told us that she wants to be cremated when she dies. She told us that she does not want a funeral or a burial. She wants to be burned up instead. I think that’s stupid. But it’s also a good thing, because I don’t have to go to her funeral. I would not go anyway, even if she did have one. My mom would make me, but I would not listen to her. I hope Mrs. Hercules gets cremated the day after she dies. Or maybe even the same day. I do not want her to be dead for very long before she gets burned up. I wonder what cremation is like. I want to see it happen to Mrs. Hercules. I want to watch her body burn. I hope she burns in hell. I think she probably will. Because she is so mean. She doesn’t deserve to go to heaven. I think I do, though. I’m a nice girl. I’m not mean like Mrs. Hercules is. I smile sometimes. I cried when my grandmother died. Mrs. Hercules did not. She made us do homework instead, and then she told me to stop crying because I was being a “baby.” My grandmother was cremated. I did not watch, but my mom said it was okay. She said that it’s better to be cremated than to be buried. She says the worms will not eat your body if you’re cremated. I don’t want worms to eat my body. I want to be cremated. Mrs. Hercules will be cremated, too. It will happen soon. I can’t wait. My name is Mrs. Roberta Marie Hercules, and I do not like my student Autumn Rose Williams. She is a disobedient, disrespectful little brat, and she is failing my class. She is going to repeat the 8th grade, and there is nothing she can do about it. Autumn Rose Williams is a very ugly little girl, too. Her hair is always tangled and greasy, and her teeth are crooked. Her clothes are dirty, and she smells like cat poop all the time. Autumn Rose Williams’ mother is a slut. She does not have a husband, and I know that Autumn Rose does not have a father, either. Her mother told the other mothers about it at Back To School Night, and they all know that she is a stupid whore who slept with multiple men at the same time. I do not know who Autumn Rose’s father is, but it could be any one of them. I think she deserves to live with her slut mother and suffer for the rest of her life. Autumn Rose is fat, too. Just like her whore mother. I do not like fat people, and I do not think that they deserve to live. I think they should all be drowned in a bathtub like pigs. My husband, Steve, says that is mean, but I don’t care. I want all the fat people to die. All of them, including Autumn Rose Williams. Autumn Rose Williams has a learning disability, and she probably also has a mental disability, too. I think she might have ADHD. But her mother is too stupid to get her any help, and so Autumn Rose suffers. Good. I do not want to help her, either. She should just stay stupid forever and live in a trailer park with her whore mother, just like she deserves. Autumn Rose has tried to get special help from the principal, but I did not let her. I made him say no to her, because I am on the school board, and I make all the rules. The principal has to listen to me. So does everybody else. I run this school, and everyone knows it. I make all the teachers do what I tell them to do, and I make the principal fire the teachers that I do not like. I have already gotten ten teachers fired for not listening to me. But they deserved it. Just like Autumn Rose Williams deserves to fail and have to repeat 8th grade. Autumn Rose says I never smile, but that is not true. I smile all the time when I am alone. But I do not smile when I am around other people, because it makes me look weak. My husband, Steve, says I should smile more. But he’s an idiot, and I hate him, too. I only married him because he was the only man who would have me. He is handsome, but he is also very stupid, just like Autumn Rose. I will never leave my husband, even though I hate him. I will stay married to him forever, no matter how much he makes me miserable. That is what I deserve. I am teaching Autumn Rose the Pythagorean Theorem, but she is too stupid to learn it. I will keep trying to teach it to her, even though I do not want to. She will never understand it, but it’s not my fault. It’s hers. Autumn Rose hates me, and I hate her. She has said so on her diary website, and I have read it. I check it every day to make sure she’s not saying anything bad about me. She says she hopes I die. Well, I do not care. She can think what she wants. Autumn Rose glued my ass to my chair. But I am going to make her pay for it. She will be punished. I will see to it. And when I do, she will cry and beg me to stop. But I won’t stop. I will make her suffer for what she’s done. Just like I always do. My name is Autumn Rose Williams, and I think Mrs. Hercules looks like a man. I bet she has a penis. And I bet her husband, Mr. Hercules, likes it. I heard that some men like women who look like men. Maybe Mr. Hercules is one of them. I heard from my friend Emily that her big sister said that Mrs. Hercules used to be a man, and that her real name is Mr. Robert Hercules. I think this is true, because Mrs. Hercules looks just like a man. I also heard that Mr. Hercules likes to wear women’s underwear. I wonder if he wears it when he’s having sex with Mrs. Hercules. I think he probably does. I also think he probably likes her big, hairy belly. He might even kiss it, and maybe even lick it. Mrs. Hercules’ belly is really big and fat. It looks like she’s pregnant, but she’s not. She’s just fat. Her stomach sticks way out, and her breasts are huge. They look like watermelons. I wonder if Mr. Hercules likes watermelons. He should like them if he likes Mrs. Hercules. My mom doesn’t like Mrs. Hercules at all. She says Mrs. Hercules is a cunt. My mom uses that word a lot. She says that her boss is a cunt, too, and that all women are cunts. My mom hates women. I think maybe my mom is a lesbian. I don’t really know what that means, but I have heard of it before. Maybe my mom likes girls instead of boys. That’s why she’s always saying bad words about women. Maybe she’s angry at them. I don’t know why she would be, though. Maybe she just doesn’t like them. Maybe that’s just how lesbians are. Mrs. Hercules might be a lesbian, too. Or maybe she’s a man. I don’t know. But if she’s married to Mr. Hercules, then I think she’s probably not a lesbian. She might just be a very ugly woman who looks like a man. She reminds me of a gorilla. I wonder if gorillas smile. I bet they do. I bet gorillas smile more than Mrs. Hercules does. I bet gorillas are happier than Mrs. Hercules is, too. Maybe Mrs. Hercules should go live with the gorillas. I bet they would like her better than we do. They might even make her their queen. I would like that. I think it would be really funny if Mrs. Hercules went to live with the gorillas and they made her their queen. I would like to see that happen. I would watch it on the news and laugh and laugh. I would make all my friends watch it, too. They would all laugh with me. And we would all be happy. Except for Mrs. Hercules. And Mr. Hercules. They would not be happy. But I don’t care. I still hate Mrs. Hercules. She is mean to me. She told me I was stupid, and that I would never amount to anything. She also said I was a failure. And a fuck-up. I don’t like it when she swears at me. It makes me cry. And then she laughs at me, and it makes me cry even more. I hate her. My mom says I’m not a fuck-up. She says I’m a good girl. She also says I’m not stupid. She says Mrs. Hercules has mental problems and should be fired. I know my mom is right. I know I’m not stupid. And I know Mrs. Hercules should be fired. She should just die. I wish she would. I really do. I hope she dies soon. I heard she is going to have surgery. I hope the surgeons kill her. They should. I hope they make her die. They should make it look like an accident. But I hope it’s on purpose. I know they could do it. They could give her too much anesthesia and make her die. Then she would never wake up again. And I would be happy. And my mom would be happy, too. We would celebrate, and have cake. And ice cream. We would be so happy. And maybe Mr. Hercules would marry my mom. Then I could have him as a step-dad. He could be my new dad. And then we could all live together, and everything would be good. I would get a new dad, and Mrs. Hercules would be dead, and everybody would be happy. It would be so good. I really, really, really hope the surgeons make Mrs. Hercules die. I know it’s mean to want somebody to die. But I don’t care, because she’s mean, too. It’s okay if she dies, because she deserves it. I know she does. So does my mom. We talk about it a lot. We hope she dies all the time. We pray for it. But God doesn’t listen to us. I don’t think He likes us. My mom says God is stupid. She also says Jesus Christ is a bastard. She says all Christians are idiots who deserve to die and go to hell. My mom is an atheist. She doesn’t believe in God. I think that’s okay. I don’t believe in God, either. My friend Emily does, though. But my mom says she’s just an ignorant Christian bitch. She says she deserves to go to hell and die. And that she should die now, while she’s still a little girl. I don’t really want Emily to die. She’s my friend. But I think maybe she would be better off if she did. At least she wouldn’t have to take any more math tests. I hate math. I hate the Pythagorean Theorem. I hate all theorems. I hate geometry. I hate it so much. I just want Mrs. Hercules to die. And then everything will be okay. My name is Steve Hercules, and I am married to the most miserable, meanest woman in the world. My wife, Bobbi Hercules, is a miserable, wretched hag. She is the nastiest, ugliest woman I have ever seen.