MidReal Story
Fatherhood's Uncharted Waters
Scenario: I am at home with my 18 year old daughter.
Create my version of this story
I’m not sure when my daughter became a stranger to me.
It was probably around the time she turned thirteen, but I can’t be sure.
She’s been a teenager for two years now, and it’s been a constant struggle between us.
I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, but that’s hard when she’s constantly pushing my buttons.
I know it’s not her fault; she lost her mother to cancer three years ago, and she’s still dealing with the grief.
But I’m grieving too, and I don’t have the luxury of acting out like she does.
Chapter 1
I have to be the adult, the parent.
But I’m not sure if that’s enough for her.
When her mom died, Emily was only ten years old.
She was a happy little girl, full of love and laughter, and we were close.
She was a daddy’s girl through and through.
Now she’s a rebellious teenager who hates my guts and thinks I’m the enemy.
So I’ve had to change tactics.
At first, I thought it was just typical teenage rebellion, but it’s been two years since her mom died, and she’s only getting worse.
She doesn’t talk to me anymore, and when she does, it’s usually to tell me how much she hates me or to accuse me of not caring about her.
I’ve tried everything to connect with her to show her that I do love her and that I do care.
I’ve talked to her softly and tried to understand her music and hobbies, but nothing seems to work.
I’ve stayed up late watching movies with her just so I could see her smile.
But she still thinks I’m the enemy, and it hurts.
I want to be her hero, but she doesn’t want me to be.
She wants me to be the villain, and I don’t understand why.
Maybe it’s because I work long hours as a police officer and don’t have as much time to spend with her as I’d like.
Maybe it’s because I have to be strict with her when it comes to schoolwork and curfews because I want the best for her future.
I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve tried so hard to show her that I love her, but nothing seems to work.
And it just keeps getting worse.
Like last night, for example.
We had another screaming match about how oppressive and neglectful I am when she went up to bed early without doing her homework again.
I told her that if she didn’t have time for homework before bed, then she wouldn’t have time for sleep either, and she was just going to have to stay up all night doing homework until she learned that there are consequences for not doing what you’re supposed to do in this house.
She told me that if this was what real love is like, she’d rather live with a stranger and slammed the door in my face.
I’m not sure when my daughter became a stranger to me.
It was probably around the time she turned thirteen, but I can’t be sure.
She’s been a teenager for two years now, and it’s been a constant struggle between us.
I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, but that’s hard when she’s constantly pushing my buttons.
I know it’s not her fault; she lost her mother to cancer three years ago, and she’s still dealing with the grief.
But I’m grieving too, and I don’t have the luxury of acting out like she does.
I have to be strong for both of us.
I have to be the adult, the parent.
But I’m not sure if that’s enough for her.
When her mom died, Emily was only ten years old.
She was a happy little girl, full of love and laughter, and we were close.
She was a daddy’s girl through and through.
Now she’s a rebellious teenager who hates my guts and thinks I’m the enemy.
So I’ve had to change tactics.
At first, I thought it was just typical teenage rebellion, but it’s been two years since her mom died, and she’s only getting worse.
She doesn’t talk to me anymore, and when she does, it’s usually to tell me how much she hates me or to accuse me of not caring about her.
I’ve tried everything to connect with her to show her that I do love her and that I do care.
I’ve talked to her softly and tried to understand her music and hobbies, but nothing seems to work.
I’ve stayed up late watching movies with her just so I could see her smile.
I’ve gone camping with her friends and their parents just so I could get to know them better and be involved in her life.
I’ve tried to give her more freedom and let her make more of her own decisions.
I’ve tried to be more understanding when it comes to schoolwork and curfews and other rules that I have in place for a reason.
But she still thinks I’m the enemy, and it hurts.
I want to be her hero, but she doesn’t want me to be.
She wants me to be the villain, and I don’t understand why.
Maybe it’s because I work long hours as a police officer and don’t have as much time to spend with her as I’d like.
Maybe it’s because I have to be strict with her when it comes to schoolwork and curfews because I want the best for her future.
I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve tried so hard to show her that I love her, but nothing seems to work.And it just keeps getting worse.
Like last night, for example.
We had another screaming match about how oppressive and neglectful I am when she went up to bed early without doing her homework again.
I told her that if she didn’t have time for homework before bed, then she wouldn’t have time for sleep either, and she was just going to have to stay up all night doing homework until she learned that there are consequences for not doing what you’re supposed to do in this house.
She told me that if this was what real love is like, she’d rather live with a stranger and slammed the door in my face.
Chapter 2
But Emily just shook her head.
"You’re always sorry, Dad. You’re sorry about Mom, you’re sorry about working long hours, you’re sorry about being a cop. You’re always sorry about something. But you never do anything to fix it."
"This is my job. You know that. We need money for the house and food on the table."
"You don’t have to work so much. You don’t have to be a cop. You could get another job that doesn’t make you work so hard."
"It’s not that simple."
"Well, it should be!"
Emily said before storming out of the kitchen.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the counter, hanging my head between my shoulders.
We’d been having this argument for years now, ever since her mom died, but it never got any easier.
Suddenly, there was a knock on my front door.
"Dad?"
Emily called out.
"It’s just Sarah!"
Our neighbor let herself in before I could answer the door.
"Hey, James. It’s great to see you,"
Sarah said as she stepped inside and closed the door behind herself.
"Hi Sarah."
I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible even though I was still reeling from my argument with Emily.
"I don’t want to barge in or anything, but I haven’t seen you guys in a while and wanted to check up on you."
"It's okay, Sarah. It's nice to see you,"
I said, and I meant it.
Sarah was a short blonde woman with big blue eyes who moved in next door with her husband and two young kids a few years ago.
She was always very friendly, and we’d hit it off right away, although we never saw each other much since her husband worked long hours as well and their kids had different schedules than Emily did.
But now that they’re both teenagers, they at least have that in common and have gotten to know each other better over the past year or so.
"Yeah, it’s nice to see you too."
Sarah said with a smile as she came into the kitchen and sat down at the table across from me.
"How have you been?"
"Fine," I said with a shrug, still not sure how to answer that question—or if I even could anymore.
"Sure. And Emily?"
"She’s fine too," I said, and I was relieved when Sarah didn’t push the matter any further and change the subject instead.
"Well, I was thinking, now that summer is coming up and all," Sarah started slowly as if she was trying to figure out the best way to phrase what she wanted to say before saying it out loud.
"I thought maybe we could go camping together as a family?"
"Uh… camping?"
I said, raising an eyebrow in surprise.
"Well, that’s the idea, anyway."
Sarah said with a small smile as if she thought I would find it cute or funny—or something.
"Camping?"
I said again, not sure what to make of her suggestion.
"That’s right," Sarah said, nodding as if she couldn’t understand why I was so surprised, but then again, she didn’t have to live with my daughter and put up with her attitude, so I couldn’t really expect her to understand how ridiculous the idea sounded to me at that time.
"Why?"
I asked, still not sure if she was serious or not.
"Why not?"