MidReal Story
Lost Love, Found Self
Scenario: Shortly before his birthday, a man's girlfriend breaks up with him, saying she needs space and time alone to figure out what she truly wants in life.
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A birthday is just another day.
You get older, you get gifts, and you eat some cake.
It’s a day to take some time for yourself, to remember all you’ve done in the past year, and to look forward to what’s to come.
Birthdays aren’t a big deal to me.
Except when they are.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and check the date.
My birthday is in five days.
I’ve always loved my birthday because Emily loved it.
As it turns out, Emily’s birthday is also on this day.
We were both born on the exact same day—just one year apart.
We started dating in college and realized our birthdays were around the corner, so we decided to have a joint celebration.
I loved having that day be all about her, and I loved spending it with her.
And I know she felt the same way.
We’ve been dating for two years now, and we’ve celebrated every birthday together.
Until now, that is.
I put my phone back in my pocket and shake my head, trying to think about anything but Emily.
We broke up about two weeks ago, and it feels like I haven’t stopped thinking about her since.
We hadn’t seen each other for more than three days before we broke up.
We were long-distance for most of our relationship, but we’d always been able to visit each other regularly until she got this job overseas and we couldn’t see each other at all.
It was supposed to be fine.
We still talked every day on the phone and we Skyped all the time.
But then she started disappearing every now and then.
She’d be gone for hours or even days without talking to me at all, and I didn’t know what was going on or where she was or if she was even safe.
How was I supposed to trust that she was still in love with me if she wouldn’t even talk to me?
I still don’t know what happened or why she left me, but it was probably better for both of us.
It wasn’t healthy for me to keep loving someone who wouldn’t even talk to me anyway.
I glance at my phone again and try not to count down the moments until I can hear her voice again.
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing her say “Happy Birthday” in that sweet little voice of hers, or seeing her smile when she hands me a present, or feeling her lips on mine when we blow out our birthday candles together and make a wish for another year of life and love and happiness and hope and everything in between.
My heart aches at the thought, but I push it away and try to focus on something else before I lose myself in memories of the past again.
I can still remember the first time I saw Emily like it was yesterday, even though it was four years ago now.
She was at a friend’s party, and I had never seen anyone like her before.
I had seen beautiful girls before, sure, but there was something about Emily that was different from anyone else I’d ever met.
She was short with blonde hair that fell past her shoulders and big blue eyes that sparkled in the light, but it wasn’t just that she was pretty or that she had a nice body or that she had perfect skin that glowed from within without any makeup at all.
I don’t know what it was about her that drew me to her, but something about her pulled me in and wouldn’t let me go, no matter how hard I tried to fight it at first.
We were introduced at the party, and I didn’t know what to say to her.
I’m tall with brown hair and eyes, and I’d never had any trouble talking to girls before, but there was something about Emily that made me feel like I needed to be on my best behavior or I’d scare her off.
Or maybe I thought that if I said anything at all, I’d just embarrass myself.
She told me later that she thought I was so cute because I got all quiet and awkward, but deep down, I think we both knew that it was more than just that.
When we finally started talking, we realized that we had so much in common.
We were both studying computer science at the same school, we both loved the outdoors, and we both loved to travel.
We sat on the couch together for hours talking about all the places we wanted to visit someday, all the things we wanted to do, all the people we wanted to meet.
When she told me about how much she loved her family, how much she loved her dog, and how much she loved the city she lived in, I knew that there was something special about this girl, too.
We had so much planned for our future together, and I knew that she could be the one—the one who would never leave me, never break my heart, never stop loving me for as long as I lived.
I just knew that we were meant to be together from the very beginning, even though I had only known her for a few minutes.
We kept talking until our friend finally came over and asked us if he could sit down with us because he couldn’t find anywhere else to put his drink.
And then he left us alone again anyway so he could go find someone else to talk to.
We sat on the couch in silence for a few seconds before Emily turned to me and looked me in the eyes.
“Hey,” she said, her voice barely a whisper over the sound of the music in the background.
I smiled at her and leaned in a little bit closer so she could hear me, my heart racing in my chest as she looked me in the eyes and waited for me to respond.
“Hey,” I said, my voice a little bit louder than hers this time.
I caught a glimpse of her smile again as she looked down at her hands and played with the hem of her dress a little bit, and I knew that she felt the same way about me that I felt about her.
There was something in our silence, something in the way she looked at me, something in the way she twisted the fabric of her dress between her fingers that told me that she felt the same way about me that I felt about her.
I’ve been with a lot of women before, and most of them are pretty independent—some even more independent than Emily—but there’s something different about her independence that gets under my skin in a good way.
She’s strong, and she knows what she wants, and she won’t let anyone tell her otherwise, but there’s a part of her that would do anything for me, too—anything except for let someone else make all of her decisions for her or take away all of her choices.
That independence is just a part of who she is, and it’s made me love her more than any other girl I’ve been with before, too.
It’s also the reason that it took us so long to finally get together when we both knew that we wanted the same thing—that we wanted it so bad—because it wasn’t until we both realized that we could make it work that we finally decided that we should be together.
She didn’t want to give up her independence so easily just like that, and neither did I.
But now that we’re finally together, I don’t want to control her or try to make all of her decisions for her or take away all of her choices either because then she’d just start to resent me for taking away all of her independence anyway.
I know that I can be a little bit overprotective sometimes, but I have no doubt in my mind that I’m doing the right thing by letting her do whatever she needs to do in order to make all of her own decisions on her own terms.
I don’t want to control her even though I know that she would do anything for me, and I think that’s what makes our relationship so special compared to all of my other relationships before her.
It’s also the reason why I think we get along so well together.
Even though I don’t always understand why she needs to take time alone to do her own thing because it feels like she’s trying to get away from me or trying to find someone else who can give her everything she needs instead of me because I’m not enough—because she’s still not sure if she can give up all of her independence in order to be with me—that’s not the case at all.
She just needs time alone because she’s an introvert, and she needs to recharge her batteries on her own sometimes.
It has nothing to do with our relationship at all because I know that she loves me more than anything—even though she doesn’t always show it—and I know that she would do anything for me even though she doesn’t always say it either.
Emily Johnson is unlike any other woman I’ve ever been with before because she’s beautiful in a way that makes my heart ache every single time I look at her.
There are times when I find it hard to breathe because I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her in my life.
There are times when I find myself staring at her for hours because I don’t ever want to forget how beautiful she is.
And there are times when I find myself falling for her all over again because of something as simple as the way she’s looking at me—with a smile on her face that makes my heart race or with a frown on her lips that makes my chest ache—and I can’t help but thank God every single day that he gave me the chance to be with her even though I don’t deserve her.
I’m no Prince Charming, and I certainly don’t have all of my shit together as well as some of the other men who have been in her life before, either.
The only thing I have going for me is that I’m nice enough to not want to break her heart or try to bring her down like some of those other men did before.
There are times when I find myself looking at her and feeling so much love for her that I don’t think that my heart is big enough to contain it all.
She’s different, and she has a way of turning ordinary moments into extraordinary ones in ways that take my breath away.
She’s the one that makes my heart feel like it’s going to burst open every single time we’re together.
She’s the one that fills me up with so much love for her that there’s nothing left for anyone else.
And she’s the one that makes me feel like there’s nothing else that matters in this world except for her.
There are times when I wish that we could stay like this forever—forever and ever and ever—because nothing else matters to me as long as she’s by my side.
It’s nights like this that remind me how much I truly am in love with her and how much she really does mean to me.
It’s nights like this that make me feel like everything is going to be okay as long as she’s still in my life.
It was already dark outside by the time we finally made it home to my apartment after spending most of the day out in the sun, and we were both so tired that we couldn’t wait to get off our feet and rest for a little bit.
I suggested that we watch a movie on the couch because it was already late enough to go to bed anyway, but we were both so full from eating dinner that we didn’t think we’d make it through an entire movie this time.
I picked out a documentary that was supposed to be about the aurora borealis—or northern lights—and pressed play before sitting down next to Emily on the couch so she could rest her head on my shoulder while we watched.
The room was dimly lit with only a few lamps turned on in each of the corners of the room, but I could still see the reflection of our figures on the screen as we sat side by side in silence.
I wasn’t sure how or why it happened, but it seemed like I had been holding my breath for a little too long ever since I realized that I was madly in love with her and that nothing in this world could change that.
I just didn’t know how to tell her what I was thinking, and I wasn’t sure how she would react if I did.
I wasn’t sure if she would feel the same way about me or if she would tell me that I was crazy and that I didn’t know what I was talking about.
I wasn’t sure if she would laugh at me or if she would never want to talk to me again.
I wasn’t sure if she would stay with me or if she would break my heart and never look back.
I just didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to say anything wrong either, so I never said anything at all.
I never told her what I was thinking, and I never told her what I was feeling either.
I never told her how much I loved her, and I never told her how much she meant to me either.
I never told her anything, and pretty soon, I learned to keep everything to myself.
We watched in silence for a few more moments until I finally realized that the documentary must have been over because there were no more words spoken and no more images on the screen.
I still didn’t say anything for a few more moments as we sat in silence, but then, I found myself turning my head to look over at her, just to see her face one more time before I knew it was time to go to bed.
She looked beautiful as always with her head resting on my shoulder and her eyes closed as she listened to my heartbeat, and I suddenly realized how lucky I was just to be sitting beside her like this.
She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and smiled softly in return, but she didn’t say anything back to me, so it took me a few seconds before I finally got up the nerve to tell her what I was thinking and feeling all along.
“I love you,” I told her, and then, I paused and bit my bottom lip nervously.
“I love you so much, Em, for being here with me right now, and for being someone that makes me feel like this and makes me so happy.
I wouldn’t be able to do this without you, and I wouldn’t be able to do this with anyone else but you.
I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but you’ve made me so happy, and you’ve made me feel so loved and so special, and there’s nothing else that matters in this world except for you.
You’re my light, Em, and every moment with you feels like it’s been special to me from the very start.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now except for here with you, and that’s why I’m so happy to be here with you.
I paused again and took another breath, gathering up all of my courage before telling her what was really on my mind.
I said quietly, “It doesn’t matter if we’re watching some dumb TV show or if we’re doing something special like watching a movie or having dinner or going out on a date.
It doesn’t matter if we’re alone at my place or if we’re out with our friends or if we’re on some stupid double date with Sarah and Kevin.
It doesn’t matter how much time we spend together or what we do when we’re together because every moment is special when you’re with someone like you.
Every moment is special when you’re with Emily Johnson.”
With tears streaming down my face as I spoke, I reached over and grabbed one of her hands in mine, then turned to look into her eyes.
My voice was shaking even more than before as I finally mustered up all of my courage and told her, “And that’s why it makes me so sad to think about you not being here with me anymore, Em…because every moment without you feels like a moment that’s been wasted in my life.”
At first, she didn’t say anything back to me again as she stared deeply into my eyes.
I could tell that she was trying to figure out what I was thinking and feeling, and that she was trying to figure out how she felt too, but it took her a few seconds before she finally smiled and looked deeply into my eyes, too, before she opened her mouth and said, “John, I…”
She paused and looked down at the ground as she thought about her words, and then, she looked back up at me and smiled one more time before finally saying, “I know exactly what you mean, John…because every moment of my life feels like it’s been special when I’ve been with you…because every moment is special when I’ve been with John Smith.
And it doesn’t matter if we’re doing something dumb or something fun…if we’re alone or if we’re out with our friends…if we’re alone or if we’re out on some double date…because every moment is special when I’m with the only guy that makes me feel this way.”
I broke into a big smile as I listened to her words, and suddenly, I felt myself being filled with more happiness than I had ever felt in my entire life.
No matter how happy she said she was or how happy she made me feel, I knew that there was no way she could be as happy as I was right now, because no matter how much happiness there was in the world, no one would ever be able to feel as happy as someone who loved Emily Johnson as much as I did, and who could finally say those three little words and know that they were loved in return.
“No one else in the world could ever make me feel this way, Emily,” I told her as she smiled even more and looked down at the ground and blushed again and again before she said, “I love you, John…I really do.”
I was filled with happiness and relief as she said those three little words before she repeated them again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again before she finally looked deeply into my eyes and said, “I love you more than anything in the world, John.” And then, she smiled once more before she wrapped her arms around my neck again and pulled me toward her before she closed her eyes and placed her lips on mine.
And as we kissed, it felt like every single part of me was being filled with happiness and joy, and for some reason, even though it wasn’t possible, it felt like Emily was lying on top of me and wrapping her entire body around me all at once.
It felt like we were two people who were meant to be together all along, but who had never been able to find each other until now…until today…until this very moment…and as we kissed, I could still feel every single part of me being filled with happiness and joy.
It felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest at any moment, and as I wrapped my arms around Emily’s back and pulled her closer to me as we continued to kiss, it felt like my love for her was going to fill up the entire world even more than it already had.
It felt like we were one single person who was sharing a single heartbeat for the first time, and even though we were still two separate people inside, we were still one single person on the outside as we continued to kiss each other deeply and passionately.
It felt like this second that we were spending together was going to last forever, but just as I was starting to get used to the feeling of having Emily be a part of my life, it suddenly ended all at once.
